Waste Not, Want Not (by Rebecca Chasteen) Monday, Oct 12 2009

Sex
is so tricky;

It’s so easy
to get someone to love
how you look in their bed.

It’s so easy to
be wanted
and ride that high
unaware
there’s no where to land
unaware
what changed while you were up there.

It’s so hard to tell
when words are as real as they can be
and when they’re bargains for heavy breaths
(or the heavy breaths, bargains for words- we all know how that works).

It’s hard to tell
when everyone’s on the same page
and when
by some slight of hand
the page turns-
burns
love and lust
separate
instead of having them become one
movement
all in the same.

People lie and say
it doesn’t matter, no strings attached.
Never believe that.
Sex has never been
clean cut.
There has never been
“just a fuck”.

Bodies are driven, have motives, have spirits-
everything means something.
So
it should be a rule-
we have to love the ones we fuck,
no matter what.

And we have to trust the ones we love-
Isn’t that equation clear enough?
Take the guess work out of it.
Make it count.

We should demand to refuse
those
so bent on wreckage-
so concerned only with
their moment.

Sex should be fun
as much as is it should be love.

Make it matter (because it already does).

Waste no
body’s
offering.

Minimize nothing
with manipulation or make believe.
We owe our lovers all the honesty we’ve got
(and we should love the ones we fuck).

Waste no
heart’s efforts
with tricks and games
(where not everyone’s a player, but everyone gets played).

Waste not-
bodies or hearts
or want not-
right from the start.

5 Responses »

 

I hope this counts (by Rebecca Chasteen) Saturday, Oct 10 2009

I want to apologize
every time he touches me
because I’m so sorry
it’s not you.

You know I tried,
right?

Or doesn’t it count-
so long ago?
Or doesn’t it matter
at all?

I hold tight to hope
while shadows push their way
as far as they can go,
take everything they can…

They can’t
take this-
this part that’s been waiting.

You know
I always wanted YOU-
right?

2 Responses »

 

big children, small adults (by Rebecca Chasteen) Tuesday, Sep 29 2009

Can I just say,

it was unfair

to let me be

such a small adult.

love was not enough

to show me the ropes

A child’s decisions

should be questioned.

Didn’t anyone see

the child in me?

Didn’t anyone

lack enough belief?

It was obligation,

everything I did

It was preservation,

everything I hid

It was fear,

every time I ran

It was grasping

to understand

everything you couldn’t tell me

while you were so consumed

You didn’t see the child in me,

but I saw the one in you.

And I knew if I lost it,

if I let go

there’d be no one to come and get me

no one would know

what to say

and no one would realize

till much too late.

2 Responses »

 

Life’s Breath (by Rebecca Chasteen) Tuesday, Sep 29 2009

I’ve always loved the recklessness

the road warned against

supplies

the breath of life

comes from choosing feeling

the road suggested

comes stealing conviction,

suffocating belief,

handing out grief,

it will work a spirit till it’s weak

and considers falling in line

happens all the time

to even the most headstrong

poison in the heart

making it all seem wrong

making what’s not

look so good

making what is

look like something no one would

hold on to

And the choosers forget why they choose what they choose

and don’t know what is true

or what to do

clarity comes

in so many forms

looks like perseverance pays-

seeking the soul of things

till

the chooser gets back the reigns

and can see

what it feels like

to have been right

from the first step

of recklessness

the gritty sweet

of life’s breath.

2 Responses »

 

Losing Wars (by Rebecca Chasteen) Tuesday, Sep 29 2009

It’s

the quiet ones to watch out for, the ones

that manage to slip by you disturbing nothing

too much,

but everything just enough, before you know it,

you’ve lost things

you didn’t even know could be taken away.

no one

fights the demons

disguised so simply.

this

is how wars are lost.

3 Responses »

 

Pandora’s box (by Rebecca Chasteen) Tuesday, Sep 29 2009

I listen to angry music

way too loud

dig my nails into my skin

diverting the pain

until it is safe

until the knots are gone

until the threat of unraveling has subsided

and I’m breathing again

it is then

I’ve regained possession

I cautiously

return to living

and carefully

step around

the pandora’s box

that looks like you.

4 Responses »

 

Hard to mend (by Rebecca Chasteen) Tuesday, Sep 15 2009

I told her to be careful of the dreams she weaves,
and all the things she makes herself believe

He said nothing when she said she felt
Nothing like this before with someone else
He let her spin and weave the fantasy
That made him more than he would ever be
Too many girls take love from a kiss
In which no trace of love exists

You should have seen the way she looked at him
But dreams come true less than they end

She wrote him letters
And she called his phone
He never answered and she felt alone
It really didn’t take that long to see
The guy she loved wasn’t reality
Too many girls lay down with men
To wake and find how quick dreams end

He let her cry, he let her curse his name
She let him know nothing would feel the same
Too many hearts aren’t broken by men themselves
But by girls who dreamed them into something else

I told her dreams unraveled can be used again
But it turns out that dreams are hard to mend.

2 Responses »

 

Nothing left- the final step (by Rebecca Chasteen) Tuesday, Sep 15 2009

You stand, stripped, looking at the mirror
your lack of reflection proves your disappearance
you are a million things,
and nothing

everything you took off
is now wrapped around your ankles,
tight-
like shackles
you can’t put anything back, nothing fits anymore

You wait for someone to take you,
but there’s nothing left to take.

You move, slowly, weighted,
towards sleep
but you don’t even know which way to go
your compass broke

You have no convictions-
sounds like a death sentence.

faith drips from your skin,
making puddles beside love-belief
it will all evaporate
like trust
disappointment had you purge enough
to be rid of hope
and reconciliation

You search for something,
words-
that mean nothing and change nothing
you try them,
taste them,
throw them out.

The depths of you are vacant now, aren’t they?

It’s dangerous, not to mention unattractive
to stand the way you do,
waiting
spilled open
aimless

I have nothing left to say to you.

One Response »

 

A day without him is not a wasted day (by Rebecca Chasteen) Tuesday, Sep 15 2009

You try to look past
all the things he’ll say
that always end up
making you feel this way.

But you know inside
it’s kinda wrong
until you hear his favorite song
and go back to when
you felt so loved
and you just don’t want to be
the one to give up.

In your mind, you rationalize
the things he does
and convince yourself
that your love is enough.

You look at him
and see the man
you’re sure he is deep down.
You’re sure if you just stick around,
that man will come out.

But the boy he is now
is always tearing you down
then picking you up
and dragging you around.

You say “Maybe it’s not his fault.”
You’re heart sinks to the floor
as you realize you’re caught.

He calls the shots,
He makes the rules,
He picks you apart,
He knows what to do
to keep you
just broken enough
that you never get your strength back up.

So much of who you’ve become
has been you wanting to be his “one”

And you’re scared to death
that if you lose him, you’ll lose yourself
And you’ll never find you again
or anyone else.

But that’s not true.

When do you say ” I’ve done all I could”
and step out on a limb and do what you should?
When do you decide
this version of love is wrong?
When can you not think of him
when you hear those songs?
When do you feel that you’ll be okay
that a day without him is not a wasted day?
When do you realize this is less
than you will accept?
When do you break free
and take that step?
You give and you give,
When do you give it up
and let go
of the love
that keeps you so torn up?

4 Responses »

 

The “Hard” Collection (by Rebecca Chasteen) Tuesday, Jul 28 2009

Hardest session (with reflection):

It’s hard to stop
seeing
a shattered person
it’s hard
to know
how to feel

I spent too long believing

everything came
too soon
or too late

I’m angry half the time I pray

these are deeper cuts
then I ever knew
and there’s no one to bear witness
as it all bleeds through

what was lost
wasn’t even real

the bitterness of disappointment
makes me purge
myself
of the like

only to realize
I am made of much less
than I imagined

but that does little
to surprise me now.

Hardest lesson:

Everything
is too much to entrust
(but it took being crushed)

I held on,
being pushed away
I was shut out,
and I just prayed
I was put down,
but just loved too much

I gave all there was
I gave myself up

And the shock
depleted my reserves,
tainted every place you were

I’d convinced myself if I gave it all,
I’d get everything in return
and so came the hardest lesson
I ever had to learn

Broke so much I got set free:

I cried
I prayed
I tried
I stayed

I’m done.

Words are never enough:

You say you love
But words are never enough
Especially after hurting so much

You say you feel
But you have yet to prove it
Hurry up
You’re going to lose it

I can only want for so long
And I’ve been wanting so long

I can’t function like this
I think, deep down,
You like you can wreck me

Whatever

Break my heart
Over and over
Break my spirit
Chip my shoulder

You don’t want me to hate you
But it’s getting to where
I wish we never met
I wish I couldn’t care

The part of the vows no one wants to talk about:

I can’t get your hands
To make me feel loved

We all know love’s not enough
But does it take so much
Of other things
To justify
these rings?

Why does it still hurt?

I’m so sick
of the play by play
who hurt who how
point is:
it got this way.

I don’t have much else to say
that you can understand
just grasping for
truth you can stomach

And how did this
go so wrong?
We can fight about it
all night long
till
you get mad
I cry
is this the homestretch
or the long goodbye?

When does it all fall back together?
When does “it’s over” sound worse than forever?

4 Responses »