Non rhyming communication, distance, honesty, institutions, intimacy, relationships, self, solitude 10:38 pm
It’s a happy madness.
I wish you understood
the clothes on the floor,
the books and papers and pens-
the movement.
I wish you saw how pretty
the movement
is;
the moments when
nothing matters.
I could never trust you with that,
with something
as precious as that;
of course I tried,
only to find
.every.
.time.
you marked it wrong,
told me so
and grabbed me to come along.
But I’m happy
in the madness, the movement
I am happy
in,
on,
my own
Rhyming beauty, choice, consequence, distance, faith, letting go, life, living, open, perspective, purpose, self, solitude, strength 7:23 am
I’ve always loved the recklessness
the road warned against
supplies
the breath of life
comes from choosing feeling
the road suggested
comes stealing conviction,
suffocating belief,
handing out grief,
it will work a spirit till it’s weak
and considers falling in line
happens all the time
to even the most headstrong
poison in the heart
making it all seem wrong
making what’s not
look so good
making what is
look like something no one would
hold on to
And the choosers forget why they choose what they choose
and don’t know what is true
or what to do
clarity comes
in so many forms
looks like perseverance pays-
seeking the soul of things
till
the chooser gets back the reigns
and can see
what it feels like
to have been right
from the first step
of recklessness
the gritty sweet
of life’s breath.
Rhyming communication, distance, fear, honesty, intimacy, living, relationships, strength 4:36 pm
“I strongly suspect that the capacity for pain and the capacity for joy are equal. Only those who have suffered great pain are able to know equally great joy.” Madeline L’Engle
Tin Men
Sometimes
I just want to kick you (so many of you) in the chest,
break you open
What could you possibly be hiding?
Hiding from?
You must think there’s safety in being numb.
You think there’s no redemption, no healing comes?
It’s really not that bad,
feeling things.
You think everyone hasn’t felt that same
hesitation?
It’s just, there comes a point
where you let go,
until you do
there are things you’ll never know,
never understand.
How good can you possibly feel,
Holding back like that?
Tell me you don’t seek what you lack.
You have logic, and vices, and jokes
but I’ve seen your capacity
flicker in your eyes.
Sometimes when you speak
and words are left waiting,
I see what we don’t say.
You think it falls away?
Don’t talk to me about reason and hurt-
those are just graves,
I won’t wallow in that dirt.
I can’t stand clichéd excuses,
it’s so pathetic
and a completely useless
attempt of defense.
Do you really believe cold hard walls make you strong?
All they are is fear,
leaving you too weak to take the risk.
Countless tin men;
women pour themselves over,
hunting the smallest crack in armor.
Just trying
to give something to make the tin men real.
I can’t count the times
I ache
for you (each of you)
to break open
before you’ve lost too much.
“The waste of life lies in the love we have not given, the powers we have not used, the selfish prudence which will risk nothing and which, shirking pain, misses happiness as well.” Unknown
Collection and Piecework and Rhyming aftermath, anger, broken, communication, consequence, coping, distance, fear, grief, honesty, intimacy, letting go, life, love, relationships, sex, strength 10:41 pm
Hardest session (with reflection):
It’s hard to stop
seeing
a shattered person
it’s hard
to know
how to feel
I spent too long believing
everything came
too soon
or too late
I’m angry half the time I pray
these are deeper cuts
then I ever knew
and there’s no one to bear witness
as it all bleeds through
what was lost
wasn’t even real
the bitterness of disappointment
makes me purge
myself
of the like
only to realize
I am made of much less
than I imagined
but that does little
to surprise me now.
Hardest lesson:
Everything
is too much to entrust
(but it took being crushed)
I held on,
being pushed away
I was shut out,
and I just prayed
I was put down,
but just loved too much
I gave all there was
I gave myself up
And the shock
depleted my reserves,
tainted every place you were
I’d convinced myself if I gave it all,
I’d get everything in return
and so came the hardest lesson
I ever had to learn
Broke so much I got set free:
I cried
I prayed
I tried
I stayed
I’m done.
Words are never enough:
You say you love
But words are never enough
Especially after hurting so much
You say you feel
But you have yet to prove it
Hurry up
You’re going to lose it
I can only want for so long
And I’ve been wanting so long
I can’t function like this
I think, deep down,
You like you can wreck me
Whatever
Break my heart
Over and over
Break my spirit
Chip my shoulder
You don’t want me to hate you
But it’s getting to where
I wish we never met
I wish I couldn’t care
The part of the vows no one wants to talk about:
I can’t get your hands
To make me feel loved
We all know love’s not enough
But does it take so much
Of other things
To justify
these rings?
Why does it still hurt?
I’m so sick
of the play by play
who hurt who how
point is:
it got this way.
I don’t have much else to say
that you can understand
just grasping for
truth you can stomach
And how did this
go so wrong?
We can fight about it
all night long
till
you get mad
I cry
is this the homestretch
or the long goodbye?
When does it all fall back together?
When does “it’s over” sound worse than forever?
Rhyming beauty, determination, distance, faith, friendship, intimacy, life, love, perspective, purpose, relationships 6:40 am
I see the steady line
of you and I
in the folds of time
it’s never been
anything else
no matter
how far
no matter how little
how much
we touch
on that line
so easy,
it’s hard to follow
but we’re free from everything-
you and I
on that steady line
I promise you
I saw it there
all along
I find hope in standing here
looking forward, looking back
all the roads we take
fall to, or from this track
and they all lead here
it’s what I know more than what I feel
because I feel
everything
and I usually fall down
waiting
or move forward, almost
giving up
throwing out crumbs for you to follow
forgetting you know the way
the way’s the same-
some things don’t change
I see the steady line
of you and I
in all the folds of time
Don’t you know
there’s no right or wrong?
Haven’t you known that
all along?
I’ve known
all along
about you
we are both
wind and sun
we are everywhere, there’s no where to run
we are everything, underneath it all
it doesn’t matter-
walls
fall
and there,
behind,
you’ll find
that steady line
of you and I.
Prompted and Rhyming distance, goodbyes, grief, intimacy, letting go, life, open, perspective 7:01 am
For today’s prompt, I want you to write a farewell poem.
Goodbye is an Evening
No goodbye
I ever tried
really did anything
like what it said.
Even funerals were just midpoints,
resting spots,
before everything
spun off.
Every person’s movement,
every person’s light,
attached to the thinnest strand:
unbreakable still.
Each person
going where they go,
where they’ve been,
weaving me in.
So goodbye was just a word to say
temporary things,
to say something changed-
the end of the day.
You can’t put people away,
you can’t put away things
that keep moving,
keep meaning.
Goodbye is only an evening-
a moment when we rest between
the places we’re going
and the places we’ve seen
http://blog.writersdigest.com/poeticasides/2009/04/30/AprilPADChallengeDay30.aspx
Non rhyming and Prompted determination, distance, longing, love, purpose 7:10 am
For today’s prompt, I want you to write a poem of longing.
Stakeout
Standing at the periphery
I know you know
I want you to see
I’m watching
everything
waiting for my opportunity
to slip into
the inner circle
be folded in
to the pages
of history with you
http://blog.writersdigest.com/poeticasides/2009/04/27/AprilPADChallengeDay27.aspx
Rhyming distance, letting go, relationships 11:37 am
I looked one time, at how long it took
to squeak out another lame excuse,
another rambling reason why you just can’t
38 seconds, right there on the phone screen.
to say (in all practical ways)
that it doesn’t matter how much
I rearranged, begged, or went out of my way.
It doesn’t matter how many times I try,
it always gets to this place,
seconds staring me in the face-
what else do I need you to say?
I keep holding on to the times you managed
to fit me in
as evidence
that this does matter
that you
meant things you said
that I walk around in your head
But so long with this pitiful routine-
38 seconds should be all the proof I need
Anything you can do away with so often, so easily
doesn’t mean much, does it?
And anyone who takes it
who just says “okay”
“maybe another day”
is just accepting being pushed away.
I deleted your number today.
Non rhyming aftermath, distance, longing, love, relationships 12:37 am
The absence
is just unsettling,
not unexpected,
aching,
but in no way misunderstood
the reaching desire
crawling under my skin,
twisting around in my head
is dangerous,
unthinking
I miss you
All. The. Time.
Non rhyming distance, sex 12:35 am
I am nothing more
than skin and warmth and breath
hair falling down my shoulders,
across your stomach
I am legs wrapped around you,
hips moving
I am accepting you
your name on my mouth
I am no different right now
than any other
neither are you.
