Rhyming beauty, coping, perspective, relationships, substance use, writing 12:29 pm
This is
keeping my head above water
keeping my hands off those bottles,
most of the time
this may be a lie
but this is mine
I
do more than survive
with this inside
I own everything-
everything is within my range
as long as there’s room for movement
within this
I wrap myself in it,
it cushions every fall,
it walks with me through every wall…
this
may be a lie,
but this is mine
and this is
keeping my head above water
keeping my hands off those bottles
most of the time
Non rhyming and Prompted consequence, coping, perspective, substance use 7:18 am
For today’s prompt, I want you to write a poem that incorporates a hobby (either yours or someone else’s).
Highs You Have To Buy
I don’t get it.
I don’t get having so much fun
you forget.
I don’t get highs
that cost so much
for such a short time.
I don’t get the risk
for something that dissipates
for something you have to get from someone else
for something you’ll never own.
I don’t get the tolerance you have
for wasting your body, your heart, your mind,
my time
when you call
when you’re in the clouds
or crashed in the caverns
saying things you never mean.
You feel so good
to feel so bad
that your “recreation“
is necessary.
You know,
they have a name that-
it’s
addict.
http://blog.writersdigest.com/poeticasides/2009/04/13/AprilPADChallengeDay13.aspx
Non rhyming aftermath, broken, consequence, coping, fear, intimacy, longing, lonliness, love, relationships, sex, substance use 12:16 am
chase the bitterness with something sweet,
that’s what she does when she’s chasing men.
switch it up
when she can’t catch the buzz
chase men who break her
with men who make her feel good again
and ignore the fact that feelings fade
and ignore the risk of getting drunk on him
and starting to get wrapped up
whisper love
till she comes down
and sees it all in sober light
chase down the lies she was told last night
get that disappointment out of her mouth
chasing men never ends
the constant intoxication impairs too much
and creates false realities
that anyone not so wasted
can’t see
chasing men like she believes
she’ll ever get one that keeps her high
chasing men like there’s a perfect fit
chasing men till she loses too much
chasing men till the men give up
chase him before she loses hope
she needs someone at the end of her rope
she needs to believe she can find one
that keeps her feeling all the good stuff
the right way
be ready to chase him,
cause he may not stay.
Rhyming change, coping, substance use 1:37 pm
Today’s the last day,
says every addict,
says every anybody sick of their own bad habits.
I swear,
today
is the very last day
I will be treating myself this way
Today’s the last day
before I’m new
I swear,
this is something I’m going to do
Dawn doesn’t break when the heavens rain
And the will to stop is tested before starting the day
Promises are just so easy to make
Promises are just so easy to break
And the person in the mirror is just so easy to hate
Isn’t everything easy anyway?
Isn’t that what makes it so hard to change?
Even seeing the hurt, looking at the waste
Is not enough to make today the last day
I just want today to be the last day
is what the weathered addicts say
And every anybody sick to death
of their own carousels and rollercoasters
say after today, can’t it be over?
But dawn doesn’t break when the heavens rain
And it’s never easy
And there’s always pain
Isn’t that what they call change?
I don’t know what day will be the last,
but damn if I’m gonna relive my past
That’s what the addicts and every anybody’s say
When they manage to stop getting in their own way.
Collection and Favorites and Non rhyming and Rhyming aftermath, change, coping, relationships, strength, substance use 4:24 pm
Snake Bite
I feel your anger in your hand on my face, you have countless ways
of making me feel guilty, of making me feel worthless
you obligate me with your need and I don’t think anything
is worth this
glass at my feet, vodka dripping
plaster on my shoulders, in my hair
remnants of the one wall you manage to break through
I can’t do this
I shouldn’t be here
with you screaming at toddlers who cry out for you
all the time,
telling me to never come back inside, and leaving me
with all the responsibility-
it’s not okay
I’m war weary, I’m not connecting
I’m just drifting
I’m just waiting
I’m just dreading
coming home
——————————————————————
t(ou)rnique(t)
while you weren’t watching
i carved out something
just for me
broke so much i got set free
i’d say thank you
if i didn’t almost hate you
you won’t find what i’ve hidden
you can’t take what’s not given
i cut my skin with that glass and sucked the venom
i’m not dying here- victim
i might not look any different face to face
but i’m out, i’m safe.
———————————————————————-
Turning Point
I’m not guilty.
I’m not sorry.
You can’t make me
feel anything.
I’m not scared
when you yell,
when you’re in my face
saying things
you chose specifically to hurt me.
And I don’t care
when you turn cool,
indifferent,
exacting on me the punishment
of not being worth your emotion.
Because I see through you
and I won’t allow you any part of me
to mutate,
to mutilate,
to puppet or parade.
I’m not yours
and
I’m not afraid.
Non rhyming and Uncategorized aftermath, consequence, relationships, self, sex, substance use 9:59 pm
What makes a girl fight for, then turn against herself?
like there’s no one else…
what gene is that?
or is it something about middle school boyfriends,
rooms with exposed rafters
and scratchy couches
and no one to stop her
but something her pastor
and the health ed teacher had said
it’s all so cliché, the friends with beers in the basement,
dads stoned at the bar
moms believing there are children still-
a future flashed between shorts on the ground and everything else
it was the least of any dream
for a (little) girl
not quite ready to give it all up
and following
the breakup and the rumors,
the responsibility for who you want to be
is so blatantly yours
it’s impossible to think anyone else will bear this
it’s inescapable;
consequence
Favorites and Non rhyming aftermath, consequence, coping, grief, life, lonliness, love, substance use 7:17 pm
He was high when he said “I love you”
and you had waited so many years, it was intoxicating
you didn’t catch the smoky words
as they undid your belt
and slid dark denim down your thighs
in the aftermath, you ask yourself
if he’s humoring you and always has been.
It’s the same,
your father sleeping beside a charred sawmill
everyone knows but no one will talk about the substance
that was there,
you know
the sawmill killed his father.
And what about the girl next door,
sipping clandestine bottles
while toddlers fall off of swing sets.
I don’t really think it’s a coincidence.
Rhyming relationships, substance use 12:12 am
It must be so hard
to see me go out of the way for you
when you are looking everywhere else
it’s never
for a minute
been any different
you’d think
years would take
the bite
out of disappointment
you’d think
I’d just stop
I’m the kind of person
that calls masochism
hope
and never walks away
still wanting things
but instead,
stays
I’m not stupid
I know where it falls
when it all falls down
I just want
the littlest thing from you
and I’ll take it too
I take every scrap
you throw at me
when you’re bored or high
and I don’t call you out
and I don’t ask why
I can’t believe
you can’t see
I don’t want all you’ve got
I just want to be more
than afterthoughts
