fading back to black

Somewhere along the way

I started pretending I wasn’t quite as broken

as I knew I might have been

because if you don’t tell anyone

about the shambles

they won’t even be real


and haven’t I always still had more

than so many others?

Is more than others not enough?


Some things, maybe, don’t just roll off your back


if you cover up your cracks enough

you can walk back out into the world

and no one will be the wiser

for a long long while


and if you find just the right combo

of numbing agents

you will forget too


until one day a wave of panic

or sadness

or fury

sweeps fiercely across your make-believe

and you’ll start to see

you weren’t


after all


you can’t just opt out of recovery

no matter how much privilege you still carry around amongst your disarray


other people’s struggles doesn’t negate your own

and a few good days don’t heal all the hard ones away


sometimes we believe the lie

that we can control our life

if we just do everything right


I’ve seen that lie blow up time after time

but I still fall for it


trying to make everything seem tidied up

because surely that will be enough

to keep trouble at bay

keep the dark things away


but there’s something precious

in the darkness

in the midst of all your rawness

the willingness

a reckless need

that if you turn it towards the light

just sets you free


I’ve spent too much time

measuring the rightness of my words

concerned with how they’ll be heard


I’m going to have to let that go

I’m no where near

all healed

and I need these words

to work their wonder


they’ve festered in my caution far too long

scared of what could happen if someone reads them wrong


pretending I don’t have anything to say

isn’t working anyway




i’ve been bearing the weight of my words

in my waist

and hips

i’ve even started carrying them

beneath my chin


they don’t belong here


but the world

all of a sudden

didn’t seem the place for them


so i swallowed them


and now i’m swollen




i want to be free of this

kind of heaviness



i kept craving and I was cautious



something – so many things

but i’ve become sick

in the waiting


so now

i’ve got to let them

start trickling out







off the market

you were allowed to buy your way in

and then

manipulate the weakness of want

to capitalize personal gains


the desperate often sign their lives away

to false gods


we’ve all seen this before

but we all believe

“it could never happen to me”


there is no honor among thieves


your only interest in humanity is how to use it

you consume it

yet you seem to lack it



like empathy just makes you weak

god forbid anyone know you bleed


everyone’s desperate for belief


I know


me too


but you

aren’t buying your way in

to me

war games

you move through the world

with rotten fruit hanging from your branches

conniving ways to dumb us to the stench of it


twisting everything until enough people believe

they like the sickness in their stomach

and they like to watch their neighbors squirm in pain –


they must deserve it

you know


for safety’s sake

some people are disposable


it just has to be that way

smoke screen

be afraid of the “other”

destroy discomfort

worship the idol of “winning”


sermon titles


I watch the religious devour


some strange new national religion

deceptive and dangerous

eternally fatal


none of your concern


you didn’t create that monster

but you have climbed upon it

riding it

with your sword held high

darkness by your side


I see you for what you are

There Is A Resistance

There is a resistance –

waves of light that aren’t subject to tirades or mind games

that won’t be defeated

that won’t fall away


we defend with the light we’ve been anointed with

we were made for this




I know what I know

and I know

fear is the tool of the enemy


love conquers hate


there will come a day

all the sleeping will awake

evil will implode upon itself

and be cast away

justice will be served

and love will reign


I can’t wait.